AHHHHHHH!  I am screaming in my head! It hurts! Seriously!

 

Ok so my head is exploding at the moment. I need a true Zen moment here people! So overwhelmed…ok…ok…breathe, stretch…shake….ok letting it go.

Now, here is my problem. I am a newly self published author- started in June 2012 and guess what…I have not found any real success. O.O (those are large eyes by the way, hoot hoot!)

Any who….despite this I have come to the realization that I have done it all backwards. First I published Deception my first novel on Lulu.com because I read about it on Amanda Hockings website/blog and said hey if she got her millions of readers I got talent I can do it too! Wrong! Very wrong.

Why? Because I didn’t do the research people! So I said ok, keep writing something will happen….WRONG. Not discouraged. So I started my own blog on blogspot.com, hated it. Deleted it- started over on Weebly.com. Still hate it. Then somehow I discovered Goodreads.com and hey I got a good thing going there….made like four friends found blackwritersconenct.com nobody really posts there but I have faith! I will not stop!

And to my dismay nothing is still happening and I sat for many hours trying to grasp as to why I didn’t have overnight success!

I wrote a small blog post about the unsuccessful sparse entity that is the culture of black authors out there. I got a comment or two followed the commentators and still nothing has happened.

I am not defeated, by no means. However I am very perturbed. How is it that I can stay on Google for several hours trying to find my fellow Indie authors out there (not culturally diverse) and it’s still so hard to find the market I am looking for. Let me tell you, I have been going at this since October 2012 and I still have not found what I am looking for. And why is that? I can’t say. I am still puzzled by this and very much disturbed actually.

I have post-its, loose-leaf paper, and a notebook filled with sites, information that may prove helpful and tiny notes that are completely illegible but I have hope! And faith! I have a migraine because every site I have visited gives you a tease of what information you should know, but do not spell it out for you otherwise you may become more successful than them at least that’s what the anger monster on my shoulder shouts whenever I get frustrated from spending countless hours reading the same old advice over and over. And really if you are an author on a budget more than most of these sites want you to spend money you don’t have on a possible link to getting exposure. But its not guaranteed.

So, this is the dilemma. Do I shape up and shift into another direction…or do I start my own. I mean because I literally jumped into this blindsided. I had no clue as to what I was doing and that very well may sound very stupid…but I can say I learned a lot. I’ve read a lot. I’ve pissed myself off a lot actually but I don’t regret it.

It’s a learning curve and I have found a passion in trying something new. I have always been a DIY girl. I like finding out things, testing it, perfecting it and adding my own tweak to it. That’s what I do. That’s how I operate. Honestly, yes I could have gone the slow route, researched until my eyes bled and then got a publicist, tour host what have you, got a mentor, paid someone to do my book covers, editing, synopsis, I could have had others excluding my family read my work but where is the fun in playing it safe? Since I am undoubtedly very frustrated it is intensifying the urge to work harder, produce more, and get the work about myself and my work out there!

So I dedicate this post to all the frustrated Indie authors out there. We need to find a more common place and work together. So if you are reading this post I would love to read your comments enlist your vented frustration and also have your email, blog or website, and friendship as we power through this struggle, because one day our voices will be heard whether you are a struggling author or blogger. It will happen for you. We all just got to have faith.

So now that I have vented and hashed my temper out on technology, I bid you well, send blessings to you and yours. And hope you have a very happy Wednesday.




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